Déjà rêvé

I’m at a party. Only, it’s less of a party and more a bombed-out shell of a
memory. We’re in your bedroom and I’m telling you how you shouldn’t
brush your teeth until an hour after eating. But you look bored and I panic.
So I tell you that I love you precisely twenty-seven times. Hoping the
hurricane hidden inside the wardrobe, stripping your blue raincoat of buttons,
doesn’t interrupt to suggest a threesome. Because how am I supposed to
compete with the wind? And what does it mean when you constantly cuck
yourself in your own dreams? The only place safe enough to fuck and not
feel the urge to apologize. Maybe it’s because I know you, the real you, no
longer calls out my name or hunts for my scent on your pillow. I know I
should wake when you ask me to sit on a bed too small to take the weight of
the words we need to talk. But I miss the way you pronounce the words; willy
– bath – sex – disgusting – what – fuck – fuck – fuck – film – cry – stressed –
choke – love. All I really want is to make love to you the way a sea devours
a piece of driftwood, until it’s smooth enough to pop inside your mouth.
Which is a pretentious way of saying I want to fuck until we stain the sheets
with our cum and spit. But we don’t. Instead, I sit as the bass vibrates the
floorboards and the walls of the party, that isn’t a party, evaporate as if
ashamed of their voyeurism. While the pink horizon stretches out like a
tongue awaiting communion and I listen to the pitter-patter breath of your
orgasm. Because in a world that I created, how can I blame you for opening
the wardrobe and forcing me to sit within the shadow of your climax?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Addison Williams is a writer from Canterbury whose poetry has featured in Butcher’s Dog, Propel, Gutter and Firewords Magazine with short stories published in Acid Bath and The Wells Street Journal. He has been commissioned to write spoken word pieces for The Gulbenkian and The Marlowe Theatre. His music has featured on various radio stations including the BBC and currently plays under the moniker Cherry Tiger Lounge.